One mans triumphant struggle with Carpenter Ants....
NEWS FROM UNCLE BUD "Today, I finally got around to installing the new weather-stripping on the bottom of the passage door to our garage. One would think that this would be extremely boring. Not so! As I was kneeling in what may have been construed as a Moslem religious position shoving the plastic material into it's new tee slotted home, a large carpenter ant came out of hiding and sneered at me. I pretended not to notice him until the new weather-stripping was securely in place, then ever so nonchalantly I slowly reached for the ant spray while whistling Beethoven's 5th to put him at ease and then turned and smartly dispatched a large ugly screaming stream of ant-lethal poison under the cabinet where I saw the spy appear. Thoughts of caulking the large crack were immediately postponed when I noticed about 12 other very sick looking large black animals with a shiny coating of ant spray come belligerently marching out from their cover. I stepped on two at one time, and then did my dance of death singly. For awhile I did a rather astonishing imitation of Gene Kelly dancing on the side of the cabinet as they tried to distance themselves from the obnoxious liquid that I had presented to them just a few seconds earlier. The more I stomped and jumped the more their sinister army came oozing out in a dark wide black offensive line. I retreated momentarily to change weapons. This time I chose a whisk broom instead of my shoes because it was immediately handy. As I whisked, they massed to attack in yet another wave. I called for reinforcements which produced a barefoot middle aged female unaccustomed to the savagery of war. Bodies flew in all directions, the van was removed from the garage, back-up weapons were brought to the front lines and deployed. The enemy had never before faced such serious artillery, as the shop vac gave voice to it's intention of mass destruction and total annihilation. In the end two tired and sweating humans stood motionless and victorious. There was no cheering, no parades and no speeches. It was a conflict that neither side wanted or had anticipated, and although victory was sweet and just, the pallor of death and smell of pesticides hung heavily over the battlefield for several hours. The army of occupation then moved in for the final cleanup operation which involved another trip to Ace Hardware for a tube of caulk, to forever conceal the enemies hiding place from the rest of the world. The burials were swift and unemotional, and a huge victory banquet for two began shortly there after. A brief and heated discussion followed, concerning the merits of erecting a memorial wall of some kind, but the motion was defeated because of the difficulty in obtaining an accurate list of the names of the fallen warriors. This, then, was a typical day for us. Sometimes we tend to get carried away with the excitement of our retirement, but mostly we keep a fairly stable view of things. I'll miss them little critters, but I can't help but wonder how much of my garden tool cabinet they actually ate.
7 things you NEVER want to hear your exterminator say....
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